Thursday, May 12, 2016
I Validate You!
“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being a 'hot mess' or having 'too many issues' are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.” ― Anthon St. Maarten
Its so easy to discredit what others have went through. Its so easy to say "everything will be okay", or "you're going to be fine." And we say this in the most loving way but, we also discredit other peoples feelings.
You are never, ever wrong to feel what you feel.
I think we all know that no matter what we are going through, everything will end up being okay in the end. But, its not the matter of how it will end up, its the matter that whatever we feel leading up to the "being okay" part, is valid.
Let people feel, let people share. Yes, it makes us so incredibly uncomfortable listening to people who are hurting, and we try to silence them by saying that "it will be okay."
And I have come to this conclusion, our society is uncomfortable with listening to each other. We are uncomfortable with sharing. Maybe it brings up memories for others of their past. But, we hate when people share. Its so much easier to silence someone, then to stop and listen to them.
I think that is one thing that frustrates me, is how we are conditioned to repress our feelings, that if we share how we feel (our stress, our pain, our love and happiness) no matter what it is, someone may say "thats enough sharing", or "stop complaining", or "I hate seeing you so down, you need to be happy." or even "why are you so happy?" But, if you recognize, none of those things stop a person from thinking them.
Society struggles with sharing, taking the time to listen, and crediting other peoples feelings. I struggle with sharing, mainly for the reason that I don't want people to make me feel small for my feelings. I don't want to feel like I don't matter or the things that I feel strongly about don't matter. I'm no expert but, at the end of the day I'd rather be told that what I am feeling is valid then I need to change what I feel.
“The belief that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided. It's more selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted. No one is careful of his feelings or tries to keep his spirits high. He seems self-sufficient; he becomes a cushion for others. And because happiness seems unforced, that person usually gets no credit.” ― Gretchen Rubin
And I don't want to discredit my positive thinkers, because you are such freaking powerful people in my book. My mom is one of those positive thinkers, and I am always astonished at her ability to face problems with just positive attitude.
But, not everyone is a positive thinker. Some may never get there, and some might just need to verbalize what they feel and feel like it is okay to share.
I am one of those people that needs to verbalize my feelings about things that I feel strongly about, and feel like it is okay to share that. I didn't get that positive thinking gene. I feel, what I feel. I won't apologize for it. Some days, I am a mess and others days I am happy go lucky. But, whatever the day is, its okay.
The best safety one can provide someone is a space were people feel they matter, that their feelings, thoughts and ideas matter. So, for all my friends, loved ones, random readers, I will say this, no matter what you are feeling, I validate your feelings. I validate your thoughts, please feel what you need to feel to get through the day. Remember that you are loved and valued. And no feeling is wrong.
Please be kind to those around you, going through whatever they are going through. If you don't know what to say but want to encourage them the most important thing you can say is that you recognize how they are feeling. Remind them that they are a strong, wonderful human being that nothing is out of their reach. Your words can create change and inspire. And what a beautiful world, it would be if our words inspire others.
Be Kind, Be Loving, Be Authentic,Validate one another!