Monday, March 21, 2016

I'm not just anybody's daughter, I'm theirs

I've been blessed in my life to know the love of two fathers. And although that love comes with a lot of resentment, fear, confusion, and abandonment, it also comes with a lot of laughter, happiness and joy.

To the man, I call dad on a daily basis I am forever grateful to have you in my life. There are so many moments in time, that I have thought of how easy it is to not accept your significant others child. I have thought so many times that, the man I call dad could have rejected me. But, the reason he is my hero, is because he has shown me unconditional love without the presence of DNA. I can't explain the feeling when someone who years ago was a stranger to you, now calls you his daughter without holding anything back. And as the child, you feel the love, compassion and adoration coming from a man you now call dad without any reservations, well it feels a little like flying.

As years passed this man, who gets called dad, became my best friend and my partner in crime. He has supported me through my crazy experiments, from dying my hair blue to coming home with a nose piercing. On more than one occasion has he wiped my tears over a cup of tea, listening to me crying over a broken heart, a melt down over math homework or out of my control work stress.  He is one of the first people I will call to share something good, and the first person I call to ask for advice when things are a little rough. But, the point of this is unconditional love has nothing to do with who you gives you their DNA, its all about who gives you their heart.

And to the man, that gave me the best first 11 years of my life, I want to say thank you. I want to thank you, because you gave me life. You were never perfect, but as I got older I realized that your imperfections were perfect. The things I hated you for, were things that you did to make my life in a strange and twisted way better. I hated that you were always working late and I was home alone but what I didn't understand was that although you worked till the wee hours of the morning and I had to take care of myself not only were you teaching me to be a stronger person, but to value the little time that we spent together. I hated you, for leaving me and what I at the time considered was abandonment was really the best gift you could have ever given me. You gave me the gift of knowing another man, who comes just as equally important in my life as you once were. You gave me the gift to know what it is like to be loved, completely and unconditionally. But, most of all by you leaving you gave me the gift of having a family.

Today, I don't blame you for leaving, I don't hold that against you because I now understand that I was never the reason that you left. Leaving was something that you needed to do to grow and live your life to the fullest of your ability. And with relief I wish you nothing but happiness, and I wish that you can one day experience being part of a family. I know that some other little girl will be lucky to have you in her life.

And to that little girl, all I can say is; he will fuck up, we all do but in some way he will give you the most treasured gift of all his presence, his love and whatever little time that he has will be yours. Nothing is ever sealed in stone, and while he is around love him like there is no tomorrow and make him your hero, because no matter how much he screws up his intentions are always good, because he does want you to be the luckiest girl in the world.

Nothing is ever perfect, and some relationships aren't meant to last forever. Remind yourself to love all the little imperfections of people, because they are perfect and they are the way they are supposed to be. Don't rush time, everything will happens in the right moment and for the right reason.

One Love,