Tuesday, July 12, 2011


Everybody will feel this feeling, this strange creepy darkness that just swells up within oneself. It's simple its the pain, simple breaking of a heart. The heart thats a funny thing, it can be broken in one instant or it can be slowly torn at, ripped and stabbed over a period of time. It can be broken by some complete stranger or the person that you find yourself caring about more than anything in the world. That's the hurt that hurts the most.

Its easier to lock your heart up, and not allow yourself to feel or fall in love. It's easier to pretend that everyone around you are bad and are going to hurt you. It's easier to lock yourself away and not allow yourself to feel anything. When you feel for that one instant love, the next instant you are wondering when the hurt part comes or how long are you going to have to wait for it.

I always expected that people will stab at my heart, so I kept it closed off and didn't let anyone near it. Until, suddenly I thought that something maybe different, something would stop the constant pain, and I allowed myself for that small instant to trust someone other than myself. For a long time I was convinced that it was the right thing to do. But, sitting here and writting this makes all those feelings just run and hide under the covers. I feel like a fool and the pain that rises in my chest where my heart is, hurts uncontrollably. The tears havn't hit my eyes yet, but the huge boulder in my chest has already been built.