So, in the recent few months there has been this one topic that has been constantly on the edge of my mind, heartbreak.
HEARTBREAK, everyone experiences it at least once at some point in there life. But, I feel like in the last several months I have seen and felt more heartbreak then I could imagine.
I think the worst part of heartbreak, isn't even your own heartbreak. Which, you may say sounds super silly, but I feel like the heart hurts more when you're watching the people you love suffer, and the pain that is going on inside of them is plain to see across their faces. It tortured me to just sit back and be an onlooker, completely helpless and not knowing how to heal them. As they felt pain, and went through their personal hell, all I wanted to do was take their pain away and make them whole again, to make their days a little bit more bearable.
The funny thing about heartbreak, is it doesn't matter how long ago your heart was broken. The pain of a broken heart may be as fresh as this mornings tea, or ancient as Confucius himself. And I came to realize that their isn't one person that is completely innocent of a solid heart.
I can't explain how a broken heart feels like, almost like you're heart is ripped out of chest and disposed off. But, before its disposed of its tortured and it tries to protect itself, all its defense go up and at that moment, everything connected to the heart, the brain and all bodily functions turn off. There is a moment that you turn into a complete vegetable. There isn't any special medicine to make you feel alright, but, their are friends and time. Eventually, a band-aid is put upon the hole that was made.
I almost feel like the ones, that break your heart make a connection with you. Not necessarily a bad one either,some can become your bestest friends, and others leave taking pieces of you. I guess, everyone who breaks your heart holds a piece of you, which can sound sick that they don't allow you to be set free but their is something beautiful about it too. I guess I see it as, love as much as you can and if your heart gets broken in the end, that one piece gets to travel with the person who has taken it with them.
I guess after seeing and experiencing a broken heart, you take a step back from reality, almost pushing and shoving it away. At least that's how I see myself, I feel like opening up and trusting someone completely is like leaping off a building knowing there isn't anything to catch you when you hit the ground.
I am not a strong believer of love, never having any great love models to show me that its actually possible, I feel like sometimes I am biased about it. And I don't admit that maybe just maybe, I want someone to prove me wrong.
In the end I think that heartbreak, is about forgiving. Revenge is silly, hate is silly, so forgive ease your heart and allow it to open up again.
A silly girl with a lot of thoughts