So, in the recent few months there has been this one topic that has been constantly on the edge of my mind, heartbreak.
HEARTBREAK, everyone experiences it at least once at some point in there life. But, I feel like in the last several months I have seen and felt more heartbreak then I could imagine.
I think the worst part of heartbreak, isn't even your own heartbreak. Which, you may say sounds super silly, but I feel like the heart hurts more when you're watching the people you love suffer, and the pain that is going on inside of them is plain to see across their faces. It tortured me to just sit back and be an onlooker, completely helpless and not knowing how to heal them. As they felt pain, and went through their personal hell, all I wanted to do was take their pain away and make them whole again, to make their days a little bit more bearable.
The funny thing about heartbreak, is it doesn't matter how long ago your heart was broken. The pain of a broken heart may be as fresh as this mornings tea, or ancient as Confucius himself. And I came to realize that their isn't one person that is completely innocent of a solid heart.
I can't explain how a broken heart feels like, almost like you're heart is ripped out of chest and disposed off. But, before its disposed of its tortured and it tries to protect itself, all its defense go up and at that moment, everything connected to the heart, the brain and all bodily functions turn off. There is a moment that you turn into a complete vegetable. There isn't any special medicine to make you feel alright, but, their are friends and time. Eventually, a band-aid is put upon the hole that was made.
I almost feel like the ones, that break your heart make a connection with you. Not necessarily a bad one either,some can become your bestest friends, and others leave taking pieces of you. I guess, everyone who breaks your heart holds a piece of you, which can sound sick that they don't allow you to be set free but their is something beautiful about it too. I guess I see it as, love as much as you can and if your heart gets broken in the end, that one piece gets to travel with the person who has taken it with them.
I guess after seeing and experiencing a broken heart, you take a step back from reality, almost pushing and shoving it away. At least that's how I see myself, I feel like opening up and trusting someone completely is like leaping off a building knowing there isn't anything to catch you when you hit the ground.
I am not a strong believer of love, never having any great love models to show me that its actually possible, I feel like sometimes I am biased about it. And I don't admit that maybe just maybe, I want someone to prove me wrong.
In the end I think that heartbreak, is about forgiving. Revenge is silly, hate is silly, so forgive ease your heart and allow it to open up again.
A silly girl with a lot of thoughts
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Its a wonder, how things fall togather and how they can fall apart. I haven't figured out how they fall apart nor how they fall togather. But, for some odd reason people will enter and leave your life. Thats just how it is. There is no choosing on who comes and who goes, its like it is written out somewhere and you have no control of anyone or anything.
In recent days I have realized that you, yourself and only yourself can make you happy. You make your destiny and you, choose who you want in your life, who you don't. But, at the same time people can make the same choice and choose who they want in their life.
A wise friend told me, he knows that, "no matter what goes on, everything will be okay." Believing him was not a choice I wanted to make, it's not easy in a time of hardness to believe that everything will be alright and that you will get through it. But the funny thing, I have come to realize is that you can get through anything.
As human beings, we are stubborn and we make life hard on ourselves. When in all reality life is just a bunch of puzzle peices and you need to find them and piece them togather. Along the way, you will stumble, you will fall, and you may just find treasure.
I am not looking forward to stumbling, but maybe falling with no gravity is alright. Feeling the lightness of the world around you I think would be just fine. And as always, finding treasure, because it is treasure it will be unexpected and suprisingly welcoming.
So, today I am happy. Today, an almost complete stranger made me smile. Today, life doesnt seem so difficult. And all will be well.
The girl who is just figuring it all out